When I started this blog, I was very wary of it becoming a bit of an online journal. Not that there’s anything wrong with using a blog for that purpose, but I didn’t want to just off load and then never talk through stuff, rather just keeping it between myself and the computer screen, feeling like I’d dealt with it. So, with that in mind, I shall now ramble, endeavouring not to offload.
Work is a bit of a mixed bag at the moment. It was great at first, I felt like I was being so patient, I got on well with the rest of the Foundation stage team, I was enjoying the kids…then somewhere around the half term mark, the patience seemingly ran out, cracks (more like ravines) appeared in team relations, and I just found myself nearly constantly frustrated by the little darlings. That situation continues.
On Monday though, I felt like I was smacked in the face by the selfishness of people. It’s a bit complicated, but one of the teachers seems to be not liked by the others (for what reason I cannot fathom), and the others are so quick to put her down in order to make themselves look better, or to get themselves ‘in’ with the apparent Big Cheese of Foundation Stage (I just searched my whole photo collection for a photo of a big cheese…I found none, so Google Images will have to suffice).
It made me sad and angry, that kind of uncomfortable where your insides squirm and you can sort of feel the colour rising to your cheeks?
What struck me though as I talked to the Mr about it (at 11:30pm, just after we switched the lights off…I choose my moments well), was that I do the same thing. It’s so easy to twist the truth so that people see me in a more favourable light, even if that means I make them think worse of someone else wrongly. I may not do it in the same situation as I saw at work, but I still do it alright. I’m no more perfect, no less flawed (although I knew that already!).
[Not quite sure where to go from here…I’m often not that articulate when speaking, so not quite sure how to wrap this one up neatly and eloquently…]
I can’t change my co-workers attitudes, but I can change mine. Or, more accurately, God can, I’d be pretty pants on my own. I can pray that He will change my heart to love others as He loves them.
“But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5v8