Oh, life. Why isn’t it straightforward? You think you know where you’re heading, then BAM it feels like a ginormous boulder has landed in your way. You try another route, and BAM, that’s not the way either. You knock confidently at a door, sure that this is the right one, only to find yourself a little terrified as you peer through the cracks.
I grew up wanting to be a teacher, then went right off the idea in my teenage years, only to slowly return to it as I grew older. I got a job as a Teaching Assistant to get a taster for working in a school, and it has put me right off teaching. No way, Jose (not hosay, just googled it. Who knew? Probs most people). BAM.
Translation, then. I love languages, I could pop back to Uni, do a Masters then eventually be a freelance, self-employed person who fits work around raising the kids (cos we all know it’s super duper easy, right?). Cue some dream-crushing by someone who meant well I’m sure, and that’s all a bit wobbly. BAM.
Now for the biggie. We’ve been thinking about fostering for the last month or so, and I’ve been quite excited about it. The whole idea of loving on kids who need it most and giving of yourself to better their chances in life just was like, ‘This is it! Let’s knock on that door!’. We met with some foster carers today who are so lovely and were so open and honest about the whole thing. As we left I felt, ‘Yeah, we can still do this’, but as the evening has wore on, I’m less certain. Are we mature enough to cope with children who are broken by the life they have had? How would I handle a barrage of abuse from a kid who is desperately pushing me away because they just want their mum, even if she isn’t able to care for them properly? What about the baby who won’t sleep without being in our bed, meaning one of us is in the spare room for 6 months? How will we cope as a couple being thrown into parenting at the deepest, murkiest end? What will happen to our marriage?
These thoughts are running riot around my head and gnawing away at any excitement I had. This afternoon was the reality check I needed (my Mr is a social worker so is much less naive about it all than me!), and I’m scared. I so so want to do this, but am worried that…well, that I’m just not enough.
As I worry about it and my head is spinning a little from it all, I’m brought back to this verse in the Bible…
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me…For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12v9-10
It’s not about my strength and what I’m capable of. God will give us sufficient grace for whatever situation we find ourselves in. In our weakness, He is strong. Foster mum, teacher, translator or anything else. Amen.