Some days, I just don’t want to. I don’t want to do the 30 mile round trip to school. I don’t want to get a healthy, balanced meal prepared. I don’t want to do the washing, or clean the bathroom, or tidy the lounge. I don’t want to print off the colouring pictures, or do the crafts, or play the games. I find myself thinking, “Not today”.
I’m tired of looking after someone else’s kids. Tired of doing their washing, feeding them, dealing with the defiance and the moaning, making them read their book and do their homework. Fed up of the constant need to tell me things over and over again (I must have heard about 5 times about the sunburn, or the tooth fairy who “brought me £1.50 when I was at home”, or the football tournament), fed up of holding onto my temper (and losing it a couple of times), of questioning my every decision and wondering if it was the right way to respond to a certain behaviour. I need to get the potatoes in the oven so that we can eat on time, I need to buy frozen peas, I need to call the social workers, I need to talk to the inclusion teacher at school, all in the next 25 minutes before I leave for the 45 minute drive to school.
But today, I just want to crawl back into bed, or watch a film, or do anything that is not related to these kids.
There’s no succinct conclusion to this post, but this is where I’m at and how it feels right now. Pretty rubbish. 😦