A Bumpy Ride

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The cutlery shelf after I slammed the dishwasher closed one morning. Not my finest moment.

Here we are again, back in Negativity Land (or Reality, whichever you choose to call it). It got pretty bad, like crying every evening bad, then we got some respite, which helped. Then it was even worse after that (to be expected). Slight improvement this last couple of weeks, but we’re on the verge of a final decision about the kids’ future, probably not the one they want, so things are likely to get pretty messy.

As usual, the kids’ behaviour isn’t the problem, it’s my attitude and response. I have shouted far more than I care to admit, I have let my frustration show too easily without taking a step back to breath. I’ve been watching lots of videos, reading articles, trying to let advice and encouragement sink in. I’ve examined myself and my emotions, which can be pretty uncomfortable (try saying, “I just don’t want them in our lives anymore” and not feeling like the most uncaring person on the planet) and am endeavouring to change my interactions from ’emotional’ to ‘conscious’. I desperately want them to feel safe, loved and protected, but I have no idea if I’m conveying that to them.

All the while, the uncertainty of the future looms over us. They could leave within a week (highly unlikely), a month (very unlikely), or a year (looking more likely every day). We are not their long term solution, and as going home is increasingly unlikely (oh did I mention it changed? After expecting them to leave within a few weeks, the social worker changed her mind) finding long term foster carers for 3 children aged 8, 7 and 6 is hard. I mean, one child for at least 10 years is a lot to commit to, let alone three. And whilst they don’t present with any huge behaviour issues, they are kids, and there are three of them…

I’ve been reminded in the last week or so that this is not the kids fault. They did not ask for this. They wholeheartedly do not want to be in fostercare. That doesn’t make the rudeness and disobedience OK, but it does change one’s perspective on and attitude towards it. And as that all ramps up a gear in the next few weeks (just in time for the Easter holidays…greeeat) if they’re given the news today, we need to be there for them. Not correcting them (which I am far, far too quick to do), not yelling at them, rather loving and listening to them as they deal with the prospect of not returning home 😦

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